He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
