Heybabeimwearingurpanties
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
