morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
