Fuck appropriateness.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
