4 words: hood of his car
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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