Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
