just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
