I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
