i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
