you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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