everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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