if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
