but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
