i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
