i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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