Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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