He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
