We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
