Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just high enough for therapy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
