Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
