You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
