Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
