Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I color on your dick again?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
