She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
