you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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