You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
