you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
