yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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