we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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