Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
