Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
