he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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