why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
