wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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