Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
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Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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