he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
