Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
