she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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