i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
