how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
