i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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