oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
