Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
