Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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