Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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