That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
