That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You ruined the universe
I am mentally ready for anal.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
