So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Acid is not a monday night drug
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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