Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
