considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
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Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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