I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
