that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
