I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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