but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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