This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
