My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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