I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
