you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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