i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
