I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
