if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
