erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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