she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
