hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
