I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
