why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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