It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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