I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
